I am not getting affected, I am not jealous, I am not angry, I am fine, I am happy...we constantly lie to ourselves. We never fail to express our emotions through tears, aggression, manipulation, blocking people, unfollowing them, and incessant complaining. Yet somehow, when someone confronts our emotions and urges us to address them, we deny their existence. "I am fine, I am already a calm person. I don't need to do anything. It was that person's faults or situation was bad...," we blame and refuse responsibility. We never accept.
In today's digital age we we seek solace behind screens. We divert our minds in reels and videos. We find temporary relief, only for our suppressed emotions to resurface once the screen disappears. And the cycle of hiding emotions, denying our true self and lying to ourselves repeats endlessly - until one day when the volcano erupts and shatters our life.
When there is this obvious cycle of pain, why do we deceive ourselves?
The primary reason for it is our minds, our illusion, our ego. We have built this conception of ourselves as mentally strong individuals who can handle anything. We convince ourselves that we don't doubt, judge, hate or disgust others and we are never sad, anxious or scared and we never feel guilt, loneliness or shame. Whatever distress we cause to others because of external factors and the outer world. It was their fault and we just reacted. This image of our ourselves is so ingrained that we forsee its long term consequences.
We don't want to break this delusion. Because, we believe society ridicules fragile people. We fear that if we are vulnerable others will look down upon us. Our mind then gauges that if we acknowledge our negative emotions, no way can we blame others. If we don't blame, how can we feed our ego? So it dual way of feeding our ego. By not accepting our weaknesses we protect our ego and by blaming others we fuel our ego.
It requires immense mental strength to break this thick wall of delusion. When we lack this strength or when we are not ready we surrender to our ego and we lie to ourselves. So the next time you hide your emotions, ask yourself whether you want to satisfy your ego or nurture your inner strength.
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